


this is how i say goodbye

by electrickoushi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drabble, Letter, Light Angst, M/M, akaashi is a simp!, love letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28386165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrickoushi/pseuds/electrickoushi
Summary: akaashi writes a letter to his spiker, captain, best friend, and first love.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	this is how i say goodbye

Dear Bokuto-san,

I don’t know how to verbalize my thoughts particularly well. How do you define emotion when it’s just a series of quiet words and complex thoughts and longing looks and bright smiles and loud thuds in your chest? You don’t. Not well at least.

But that doesn’t mean I cannot try.

I can’t list everything or this letter would never end, but I just wish to highlight the most significant things, the things that make me fall in love with just a little bit deeper.

It’s the way you laugh.

The little giggle in your voice. The way it gets stuck in your throat at the beginning until you can’t contain it anymore. Then it unleashes itself and I’m suddenly listening to the most joyful sound I’ve ever heard. You throw your head back and open your mouth, still smiling. Your chest heaves up and down as you grab your stomach if it’s especially hilarious. I find that I can’t help but join in.

It’s the way you look.

Especially in the light of the campfire. It’s dark outside. The fire crackles and pops and lights up your face, shining in your eyes. It highlights your beautiful angles and soft features. The slight curve of your nose and the shape of your pretty lips. In that moment, I just want to kiss you right then.

It’s the way you channel your love and passion into others.

You let it spread like wildfire. You cheer on other teams. You help other players that aren’t your teammates. You find strength in your team and rely on them. You want everyone to enjoy volleyball just as much as you do. Just as much as I do now, all because of you.

It’s the way you make my heart beat so profoundly I can feel it beating in my chest.

It hits my rib cage and bounces back. It’s a constant cycle of thumps and booms. And it’s not fast. It doesn’t speed up around you. It’s more intense, but not quicker. It’s a calm, raging thing that I can’t quite articulate. When I press a finger against my neck, I can feel it pumping.

And I can’t even begin to tell you what I dream of.

It’s the way I want to rest my head in your lap. I want you to run your hands through my hair as I close my eyes and sigh in contentment. I want to play with your hair. I want to hold your hand and rest my head against your shoulder because you’re slightly taller.

I want to spill my heart to you and watch the way your eyes flick back and forth between mine as a sign of trust. I want to have meaningless conversations. I want to stay up all night with you and watch movies and Youtube videos. I want to discuss the meaning of life and the ever-expanding universe. I want to hear your thoughts on white chocolate. I want to learn about the philosophies you live by.

I look at you, and I wonder how you haven’t caught onto my feelings yet. The love in my eyes, is it not apparent to others?

All these things are future things. Things to dwell on in the future. Things that have possibly happened in the future. Things I wish to be a part of my future.

So I’ll hand you this letter on your graduation day. And I’ll tell you not to open it. Maybe you will open it because you’re impatient like that. Or maybe you’ll wait because you’ll respect my wishes like you always have. It doesn’t matter because my tears will have stained the envelope by then. You will have left for university or for a professional league, and I’ll be here in my third year without you. I hope you look in the stands for your closest teammate and biggest supporter when you play professionally. When you inevitably smack that volleyball onto the opposing team’s court, I’ll be there, cheering and screaming for you.

This is how I say goodbye because I don’t think I can do it in any other way.

Goodbye, Bokuto-san. I love you.

_Akaashi Keiji, 2nd year, setter, vice captain, best friend, and maybe something more_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this tugged at your heartstrings just a little. Maybe I thrive off the 2nd-3rd year angst that comes with bokuaka and kuroken,,, I may or may not have been projecting just a tad hehe. Thank you so much for reading!


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